just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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