I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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