apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
