dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
