in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
