Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
