I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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