you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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