I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
