My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
