drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
