Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
