After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
