I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
