carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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