hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
