9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
