All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
