she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
You left your phone here
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