An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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