Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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