i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
