I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
