just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
only you would photoshop your dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
