My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
