If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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