Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
