I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
