Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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