he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
