Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
