Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
