come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
NoShamevember. You game?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
