I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
