Sry I called you an 8
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
