Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there was a trapeze. enough said
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
