It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
honey bunches of taint.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
