her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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