He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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