her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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