Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
