remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
