do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
