so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
