Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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