We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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