I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
