So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
