Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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