you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
